Some days I feel like I am not making much progress in my fight. I wake up in the morning and I don’t want to get out of bed. i just want to stay in bed and sleep all day. I watch a show or movie and end up crying because I miss the love of my life and a scene reminded me of the pain in losing him or of something he always did or said. I don’t want to deal with people, or go to an event that I already said I’d go to. But then I think about all the things I am doing that even a year ago I wouldn’t have done.
Depression is an ongoing fight. It’s baby steps and developing a new way of thinking. You have to take it one step at a time. So what if I don’t want to get out of bed one day, I’ll get out of bed tomorrow. So what if I don’t feel like going out to dinner with the girls, I’ll go next time. It’s ok to miss someone so dear to you. If you didn’t feel the pain of grief, you would have no feelings or emotions and that is a whole other issue.
My problem with grief, is that I know my loved ones are still around me. I talk to them, I feel them around me, they send me messages in my dreams. “Those who love us never really leave, they’re here you see.” (Sirius Black, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) I’ve always been able to sense my departed family. If I tried to stop these feelings, I ended up with a migraine headache, so I allow it to happen. I think if you can sense these souls around you, but you can see them or have a conversation with them, it’s a little harder to deal with the loss than if they were totally gone. Sometimes though it’s comforting to know they are around looking after me. So I just have to come up with another way of thinking about this. I did go to a medium…a very good medium, and then I was able to have a “conversation” with my parents the first visit and then my love the second time. But I was told a brought a room full of soul with me. My love comes and sits on my bed and watches me sleep (which is probably why my cat leaves my room for a time in the middle of the night). Think about this, how would you react to this? Would it comfort you? Would it make you miss them even more? I love the fact that he isn’t sick anymore, not in pain anymore, and he doesn’t want me to be lonely. This is how I have to think of it…positively. I have a large group of guardian angels looking after me and keeping me safe. How awesome is that?!
So you just have to change the perspective on things. Yes I miss having the physical people around me, but they are always with me now. Maybe I don’t want to get out of bed one day, I’ll get up the other 6 days of the week. If I don’t go out with the ladies one time, we’ll have more to talk about next time.
Change your thoughts and change your future.
Fight the darkness one step at a time.